Saturday, January 6, 2018

Cut the Baloney Dad

Bath time has become something of an emotional and physical free-for-all.  Isaac and Ethan can, in a period of a minute, go from a giggle-inducing splash fight to crying and biting.  There is a long of craziness in the tub.

One thing that Ethan regularly does is slurp up some bath water and then spit it out.  Its not a good habit to get into, so both Bianca and I strongly discourage this behavior.  But no matter what we say and do Ethan does it over and over in the tub.

In an effort to put an end to this Isaac and I had this conversation:

ME: Ethan, do not do that.  Do not drink the bath water.


ME: It is dirty.

ISAAC: It doesn’t look dirty.

ME: Trust me, it is.


ME: Think about it.  All of the dirt you and Ethan have on your body is in this water.  Your butt and your penis are soaking in this water.  This is butt water.

ISAAC: Gross.  Why are you letting us sit in butt water?  Why are you using this to get us clean?

Touche, Isaac Anthony.  I was just cross-examined, very effectively, by my own son.  I am both a bit embarassed and incredibly proud.

Sunday, December 10, 2017

Isaac, Santa Guide

This is the first year that Ethan has been really aware of Santa.  When we got our Santa pictures, he was excited, not as excited as Isaac, but still excited.  When time came to get on the Big Guy's lap, Ethan, though a bit nervous, followed his brother's lead. And so it is, that Isaac has taught Ethan a lot about Santa. Nonetheless there are some funny moments of misunderstanding.

We did our annual chat with Santa, thanks to Nanna for making arrangements, and Isaac had to tell Ethan just what was at stake--a place on the Nice List.  With that information, Ethan waited big eyed to see what the score was.  Thankfully, and not unexpectedly, he was on the Nice List.

Isaac has also schooled his brother on the actual night.  Ethan expected to meet Santa, but Isaac had to tell him Santa came when we were sleeping.  Ethan also insisted that he was getting a tractor, as if Santa were a mere delivery service.  Isaace corrected him--you HOPE Santa brings you a tractor.  It has been a delightful thing to listen to.

Monday, December 4, 2017

40th Birthday at Edaville

It is hard to describe just how exciting it is to see your boy's grow up and have fun and do things for the first time.  So when we went to Edaville this year, I got the joy of seeing Isaac do things he couldn't do before and I got to see Ethan really enjoy big rides.  Here is the best 2 minutes of video have shot in a long time:

Wednesday, November 22, 2017

The Arrival of Naked Anus

If you have boys you will probably realize this at some point--boys under the age of 10 are allergic to pants.  Ethan is one step away from being an avowed nudist at this point.  We went to parent teacher conferences and Ethan, much to the chagrin of his brother, stripped naked and ran around the house for the babysitter.  I can only imagine his happening and Ethan moving like a baby greased pig.  By the time we got home he had been both captured and repantsed.

Last night with Nanni in from Rhode Island to help out with a half day of school, Ethan again stripped off his pants and ran around the house.  This time he added something to his usual routine of baby karate and weenie guitar.  As he ran from room to room he kept shouting out: I am Naked Anus.  The phrase, of course, is "naked Amos" but both are oddly appropriate.

He would poke his tiny red face into the kitchen and then shout "I am Naked Anus" as he streaked across the room only to go hide in the Lego Room giggling with delight.

Saturday, November 11, 2017

Veteran's Day Trio

Isaac and Ethan both had the day off for Veteran's Day.  That meant that I had a day with my two boys.  We had many complex plans, but as with most things--the best days are those that just happen.

Originally we had intended on going to Skyzone, a trampoline place, but when we arrived at 10:05 (they open at 10) we were greeted with a line and we discovered after 40 minutes of waiting, that they were all sold out until 12:30.  Ugh.  Despite standing in line for a long time, neither boy fussed and neither boy lost it when I told them that we couldn't do some bouncing.

I had a quick idea to go to Barns and Noble and it was, as you can imagine, not a bad alternative.  Both boys had books they wanted--Ethan a tractor book and Isaac a new Magic Treehouse (which he does not need).  There was one book that was too expensive for just one of them that was awesome.  Ethan called it his Super Book.  Isaac proposed that we get the Super Book as a shared book.  To my surprise Ethan agreed and we had an elegant solution to a complex problem.

We then stopped in to have lunch with Mommy at Kimball Hall on campus.  If you can remember college dining halls, it is a veritable paradise for a 7 year old--all of the food you can eat and anything you want.  We ended up with a table of salad, hot dogs, chips, four different kinds of juice, and some ice cream.

After that we had Ethan take a nap and then we went to the grocery for an "appetizers for dinner" shopping spree.  Again Isaac and Ethan agreed on choices.  When we came back we had dinner with Mom, a fire in the fireplace, and Up on TV.  It was a great day with two great boys.

Wednesday, November 1, 2017

Halloween Havoc

This year we had two distinctive requests.  Ethan, after many pilgrimages to the New England Aquarium, wanted to be Myrtle the Turtle for Halloween. It was tough to find a non-Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle turtle costume, but Bianca managed to do so.  Here is the Beeth in his full Halloween Glory:

Isaac, on the other hand, wanted to be something more realistic--a "real bank robber."  I had a vision of a "Black Bart" bankrobber from A Christmas Story, but he opted for something else entirely, more "Joker in The Dark Knight."  We went to Wal-Mart and with a very small budget (and completely reuseable items) created a truly cool looking costume:

Halloween itself was a great success.  Not only did we get more candy than last year, we also went farther.  Ethan was much more into it, with both boys bouncing around by the time I got home.  Ethan even practiced the "trick or treat" routine with his Mommy and with brother.  Once out on the trail, they both did good, though we did need a pitstop halfway through to grab the wagon.  Towards the end, Ethan's crisp "Trick or Treat" devolved into something more muddled.  By the end, he was just telling people: "I need candy please."  Fortunately he was cute enough to pull it off.  When we finally made it back home, both boys ate about two pounds of candy and amazingly fell right to sleep after bath. 

My timeline was a bit crunched so I ate dinner on the street, walking with my food, and I didn't change out of my suit.  I told Isaac that I was going as his attorney and he LOVED it. 

In a great epilogue, Ethan told Bianca that he "Loves Halloween" the first thing in the morning the following day.

Happy Halloween!

Thursday, October 19, 2017

Jesus and Ethan

About a week ago, for no real reason we can discern Ethan started using a particular name as an expletive.  It was very sudden, as all language ability expansions are with two year olds.  One minute he was grunting when angry and the next we would hear him shout "Jesus!" when he dropped a Lego truck and shattered on the ground.  It was pretty hard to ignore the first few times.  Eventually Bianca and I would have to hide our faces as a two and half foot tall little sailor walked through the house unleashing dropping "JESUS!" all of the time.

It morphed from an expletive to something he would just pop off.

Ethan: "Daddy you pass me ketchup?"
Me: "Once second buddy, I am cutting up Isaac's steak"
Ethan: "Jesus!"


Ethan: "Daddy you wipe my butt?"
Me: "Sure, bend over."
Ethan: "I no want to bend over."
Me: "Then I can't wipe your butt."
Ethan: "Jesus, Daddy!"

For two days we were so struck by this little tiny boy saying Jesus all of the time that we could hardly focus.  Then Bianca decided to try to get him to swap out "Jesus" for "Geez Louise."  It stuck and since then, Beeth has been letting one "Geez Louise" fly after another.  This supports my long-held theory that if Beeth knew swear words we'd hear them A LOT.